Wednesday, March 2, 2011
How did I get here?
If you've ever found yourself in a situation that you thought you'd never be in, you probably spent your time wondering how you can fix things or get out of trouble. Before you can find a way out, you need to think about what got you there in the first place. So, think about it. What's your story?
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About a year and a half ago, I found myself in an obsessive and unhealthy relationship. It pushed my boundaries and I slowly became apathetic about most everything but the relationship. Then, when we broke up, my world fell apart. I spiraled into depression. I couldn't eat for weeks, I couldn't sleep for months. After a few weeks I made losing weight my new obsession- it filled the void. I dieted and exercised in an extremely unhealthy way and lost a lot of weight very quickly. I made myself numb to the world. The only thing that mattered was losing weight and maintaing the appearance that everything was okay.
ReplyDeleteFive months later I came to the painful realization that Christ deserved the devotion that I'd given to the relationship and my obsession with losing weight. Healing was a slow process, but a little at a time Christ made me new. I've learned that he will never leave me, and he has made me beautifully in his image.
I've had several struggles along the way, but I think the root of all these problems is depression. Just over 2 years ago I fell into a severe depression and began to cut and drink. One night I was well, technically sexually abused (by a drunk man), but it could have been much worse.. This lead me to see how destructive drinking is, and the effect it can have on others. I didn't ever want to affect someone that way, so I gave up drinking. However, my depression worsened: I began to feel ashamed of what had happened. Eventually I gave up cutting, mostly because it's hard to hide it when you're in a swim suit. I was still in a depression, I had just learned how to pretend it was all fine. One day a friend brought me to Metamorphosis. Through it and other things, I've learned that Christ has been there with me through it all and it was time for me to start listening to Him. I can't say that I've fully overcome my depression, but I've definitely made a ton of progress and can feel myself getting better each and everyday.
ReplyDeleteEver since I was a kid I've had some serious family issues. These issues have put me on a path of destruction. It let to drinking, drug experimentation, low self esteem, and eventually running away. It also put me in a deep depression. I tried to handle my depression in all the wrong ways. Cutting, pills, and sex were my main ways of dealing with it. My low sense of self worth made me want to find a relationship that would fill a void. These relationships only caused me more problems, because eventually I got to the point where I felt my only way out was to run away with one of these guys. This ended up making things way worse, and there were now legal problems, worse depression, and a great loss of trust and friendships. While I'm still suffering the consequences of these things, I'm trying to turn my life around with the help of close friends and my brother. We've found better ways to channel emotions, such as music and art, and just talking to people. While I still am in a lot of emotional turmoil and my family life isn't good, I'm trying my best to change. Metamorphosis has definitely helped me, because it's always a safe place to talk things out, receive great advice from different people, and get to the root of problems.
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